I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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