I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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