guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
