Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
