So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
