You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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