so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
