Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
