My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
