Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
