is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
