Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Boobs speak an international language.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
