yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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