I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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