Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
