The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
