So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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