dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
