you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
