You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
