**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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