Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
