I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize