True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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