you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
