the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
