Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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