we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
