My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
