There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
