his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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