Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
