I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
