Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
