remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
