I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
