she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
