I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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