Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Randomize
