I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
