All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
