His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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