I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Drunk is not a location!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
