went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
