we have pet lesbian snakes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
