Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
