somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
