its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
