Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
