cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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