I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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