after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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