Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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