I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
