forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
as a side note pls kill me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
