Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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