Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
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