I'm lost and stupid without you.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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