I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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