I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
