My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize