Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
