you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
BRING THE BAGELS
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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