my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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