I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize