I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
