The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
