do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
