are you still at the devil's house?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
