You're so nebulous sometimes
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize