dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
