I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
