Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
