I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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