Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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