Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
