everyone is single if you try hard enough
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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