Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
