I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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