my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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