the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize