GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
