if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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