Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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