I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
