Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize