At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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