she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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