I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
