i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
