the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
