My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
