So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
that's an acceptable place to lick
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize