Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
