Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
