my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
