apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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