im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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