I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
