Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
