Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
