Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
