Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
