Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Randomize
