New invention idea: vibrating tampons
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
