There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
