I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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